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Read the tale of my desire
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| Hello! |
[Jan. 10th, 2008|04:23 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Work | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  happy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | hear you me - jimmy eat world | ] |
Well another day at work. I just read my last entry, it was forever ago that I updated this thing! It was in August. Back then I was just barely showing, still living in the old apartment and had just started this job. What a difference a few months can make! Now I am 9 months pregnant, with just a few weeks to go. It's actually 17 days until I'm due. I can't believe that I will have a baby girl soon! I am so excited! Her name is Lillee Marie Murtha. I bet she will be sooooo beautiful! I'm really nervous and excited at the same time. My mom has been great this whole time too. She has really helped me out a lot with the baby. She is really excited too. She threw my baby shower for me, she has bought the last of the things I needed for the baby and is constantly getting new stuff for her. I finally told my dad that I was pregnant. He was actually really cool about it. He is excited to be a grandpa! He asks me about how the baby is doing all the time. When he came to visit me for my b-day he would always ask if she was hungry and if she was moving around a lot. Also, when I went up to Wyoming for Christmas I saw my grandpa, my brother, his fiance, dad, and my brothers grandma. My grandpa would call the baby by her name and ask me if she needed anything or wanted any sweets. It was super cute. He was all concerned about me flying in my 3rd trimester. He was adiment about me clearing the trip with my doctor. Which of course I did, and he said it was fine to fly. My brother always wanted to touch my tummy and feel her move. It was sweet. I've got almost everything I need for her arrival. All I really need is a baby tub. But she won't be taking real baths until her cord falls off, and that won't be for a few weeks after shes born. She will have spounge baths until then. So the tub isn't something I absolutly need right away. My mom keeps telling me to put her in the kitchen sink. I just can't do that. My dirty dishes go in the sink, not my dirty baby! Plus they have this super cute pink baby tub at Target. Also I want to get her a baby gym. Thats this thing she lays under and has toys that hang down from it to entertain her. Her crib is super cute though. The bumpers, sheets, mobile, diaper holder, quilt, and valance are all coordinating. They have toe shoes and tiarras all over them. My little ballerina! Just like mom! I can't wait until she gets a little older and I can start to put all the frilly outfits on her. When she is first born she needs to be comftorable n stuff in like onesies and cotton pants. After she is a few months old then I can start to put the dreses and tights on her. My mom bought her these little shoes that look like baby toe shoes. They are super cute. Girls have way cuter clothes than little boys. Of course her daddy is getting more and more excited too. He is so adorable to watch. He talks to her and rubs my tummy all the time. I can't wait to see her in his arms. Such a little thing in those great big hands and arms of his, it will be a truely beautiful sight. I love to watch him with his other kids, i'm sure he will be just as wonderful to this little one as he is with the others. He is so gentle and loving with his other little girl its sweet. I bet it'll be even sweeter to watch him with a newborn, our newborn. I'm sure he'll just melt the first time he sees her. My mom is going to be my labor coach. Matt is going to be there, but I want my mom to be in charge of the coaching. Not that I don't think he is capable of it, but I think my mom will be more supportive and plus she has been through this 3 times already. Matt's other 2 kids were born by C-section, Lilee will be born naturally. I am hoping to do it without any pain medications. We'll see when we get there though.
Alright enough about the baby. I could go on and on about her and all of the changes in my life regarding her right now, but I wont. Right now I'm at work and its super slow. But thats okay. For as slow as it is it seems like the day has gone by pretty fast. I work till 9 so not too much longer and then i'm outta here. Plus I haven't taken lunch yet either. I'm excited to be able to take some time off work to stay home with the baby soon. It'll be nice.
I moved into my dad's condo. I'm renting it from him while he is living in Vegas. It's really nice. Well I am actually going to be leaving soon. I get to leave work a half an hour early. Sweet!
<3 Ashlee |
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| Hello again |
[Aug. 8th, 2007|04:37 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | work | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  sleepy | ] |
Well hi. I am at work again. Bored again. It's really slow around this time. The other girl I work with is on lunch, so I am by myself. I get lonely. Usually I have someone to talk to but like I said she is on lunch. Like last night she left at 4, I was by myself till 9pm. It sucked. I had no one to talk to. Some of the students come up and talk to me but its usually just a "Hi how are you" type of thing. Same with some of the teachers. Most of the people here are really nice. I am really likeing my job. Today I went to the person who is in charge of all of the students files office and helped her file. It was a good change of pace. It was nice to get away from the phones and just hang out and file. Andrea and I visited a little too. Thats the person who is in charge of the files. Last night my boyfriend had the apartment all lit up with candles and he bought me a pretty boquet of flowers. It was so nice. He hardly ever does stuff like that. He was all romantic. That kind of stuff means a lot to me. Being pregnant I am very emotional and hormonal. Also I have noticed that I need him to be emotionally intimate with me more now than before. Like most men really only think about the physical side of intimacy. Where as women want and think about the emotional side more. I notice that I need him to cuddle me more, rub my back and things like that more. If he doesn't do that stuff very much I feel less likely to be intimate with him in any form. Like less willing to have sex and what not. Also I notice that I get pissier if he hasn't been all lovey with me. But at the same token I know it makes him feel better when I am loving and caring towards him. I mean he is very manly and he will never admit that he needs me to cuddle him or rub his back or tell him that I love him. But I know he needs those things. I love him and he knows it but everyone needs a reminder every now and again. Also the little things matter a lot to both of us.
He is getting more and more excited about the baby. Its so sweet. I am showing a little now and he says that the pregnancy is really "real" to him now that I have a belly. I think I look cute prego he does too. I am so thin and tiny that my little pot belly looks cute. You can tell I'm pregnant and not just fat either. Next monday I have my 2nd OB doctor visit. My mom said she is going to go with me. I think its awesome that she wants to be involved in this. She is so excited. I still haven't told my dad yet. I am afraid of what my dad will say. Its his first grandchild biologically. My brother Alex (who is my moms son not my dads biologically, legally he is both of my parents child) My dad doesn't really even count Alex and Eric as his kids. Just me and my brother J.R. SO on one hand I think he will be really happy for me and on the other hand he might be really upset that I haven't started school yet and want me to get married to Matt. But I don't know if he will be like that for sure. He might just be okay with things. He really likes Matt. He will have to help me get a different car though because I can't put a carseat in my truck. It would be unsafe, so he might not be too happy about that. But if I don't start school I can start to help make my payments on my vehicle. Or I could go to school part time. Who knows. I am just scared to tell him. I am daddys little girl.
I have been trying to update this thing all day. First I went to lunch now I am just taking my sweet ass time. I know I have like 2 more hours of work left so I don't want to finish this too soon and have nothing to do. I have already done all the stuff I needed to get done for my job so now I can hang out and do nothing but answer phones and get paid for it. It rocks. Most of my work is just busy work anyway, or at least I think so.
I am getting all sleepy. My eyes get so heavy. I wish I could take a nap. I sorta did. haha. Oh well I should go now. Bye everyone!
<3 Ashlee |
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| Bordness |
[Aug. 7th, 2007|03:28 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Work | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  bored | ] |
Well I am at work. Bored. Oh well. I got a new job. I am now working at a college as a receptionist. I love it for the most part. Everynow and then I get a big jerk that thinks I should get up out of my seat to wander around campus to see if the person they are calling is there. I am not allowed to get up to see if that person is there. The only thing I am to do is transfer the call. I just had a jerk like that. I transfered him to the person he wanted, then he called back and said "Before you just shoot me off I want to know if so and so is there" I told him I am not allowed to leave the front all I am allowed to do is transfer the call. He got all pissy and wanted to know who was next in line to talk to. Then he started going on about how he had a situation, I just put him on hold and found out who he needed to go to. I cut him off halfway through his story though. I was like dude if you are going to be pissy with me I am not going to deal with you. It's not my fault that the person you want isn't answering. I am doing my job correctly. Just because you can't understand that doesn't give you the right to be a butthead. Oh well. The other girl I usually work with at night left early. She wasn't having to good of a day. Poor thing, hopefully she'll feel better. Well I have to go to lunch right now. I will post more later on.
<3 Ashlee |
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| Sorry for the abrupt end to the last entry... |
[Jun. 22nd, 2007|10:18 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Library | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  confused | ] |
Yeah sorry about that, I was at the library and i'm typeing away and all of the sudden they wanted the whole library to evacuate - never did find out why. But I left so yeah sorry about that. I had a whole bunch to say. Anyways - my boyfriend is being a dick about the whole baby thing. He can't decide if he wants it or not - i'm like HELLO! it's coming whether you want it or not. It's not like I am forcing him to marry me or anything. Hell I even gave him the option to not be on the birth certificate and not have to see it if he doesn't want it. I am not going to trap him or force him into anything he doesn't want to do. Thats what his ex-wife did and I am not like that. She got knocked up after like 6 months of them being together on purpose to trap him. She is greedy and just wants money from him. He supports her. She has a Lexus, she buys $400 dollar purses, and then complains because she cant "afford" the kids. The kids come over in too small clothes, too big shoes, she doesn't feed them breakfast. Their daycares don't feed them breakfast either. So they don't get any food in the morning at all. She doesn't even make them breakfast on the weekends! Like come on lady! The only reason she had those kids is for money, she is greedy. She wants to control Matt and everything he does. I am not like that. She is so psycho. She like beats her daughter, makes the kids call all of these different men daddy, they have a daddy, and she doesn't want them to see him, but she wants him to pay for them. Like her last boyfriend made them call him daddy. They would get in trouble if they didn't. The kids are so confused. Sienna (thats the ex) just thinks is funny that the kids are confused. The little girl still calls her ex boyfriend daddy. He comes and goes out of their lives, thats not a father. A father is someone who will always be there for them, and her stupid child molester ex boyfriend is not that at all. I am afraid that he touches Sailee. I don't have any proof but you never know, he acts like it. He only hugs the Sailee, not little Matthew. How unfair is that? Sienna doesn't even take the kids out to the park. We taught Matthew how to ride a bike, how to swim, all kinds of stuff that Sienna doesn't take the time to do. Matt said that Sienna never has taken them to the park, ever. Sienna got mad and threatens all the time to never let Matt see the kids. She says all this horrible stuff about Matt in front of them. Its so sad. Sienna doesn't want me around the kids because she knows I am a good example and do all the things that she doesn't and her kids love me. I wake up with them on the weekends so Matt can sleep in, I make them breakfast, I make lunch, I play dress up with Sailee, Matt and I taught little Matthew how to swim, we all play catch together. We are a great little family and Sienna is jealous. All that she does is think about herself. She spends all this money going to Vegas one weekend, Denver the next and only does stuff she wants to do, rather than spending her money and time with her kids like she should do. I took the kids shopping for like an hour the day before Father's day for some presents for Matt, and Sienna got so mad, she threatened to come and get them and take them home so they wouldn't be able to spend Father's day with their daddy. Because I did something nice and spent some time with the kids Sienna got mad. She thinks I am a bad example for the kids, where as really she is the bad example. She got mad because I wore a mini skirt and a really pretty Kimono top and Steve Madden knee high boots to Matthew's 7th birthday party. I looked really nice. Yet she puts her 3 year old daughter in mini skirts. Does anyone else see the irony in that? She is just jealous that she is a used up, fat, old hag and I am a beautiful, thin, pretty woman who has her ex-husband. Well she was a slut and couldn't keep her legs closed in order to keep her husband around. Thats her fault. She used to like beat Matt. She beat him so bad, and he would just stand there and take it. Now she is spanking Sailee for having accidents in her pants. That is frustration, that is not discipline. She is so fucked up. She even admitted that she needs to go on meds. Like hard core anti-psychotics is what she needs. She will admit that she needs help and is being a bad mom one minute and then the next she says that she is so wonderful and that Matt is horrible. The kids hate going home to her. Matthew called and said that they wanted to come over because they need a man to protect them. How sad is that? The little boy is only 7 years old! Sienna makes him grow up too fast. She put Sailee in a sweater to come over the other day. Its 115 outside, what the fuck is that woman thinking? Well anyway the whole point of that rant is that Matt thinks I am going to be like her. I hate it, she ruined a perfectly good man. She wont let Matt see the kids when she finds out that I'm pregnant. Its so unfair. I don't know what to do, Matt can't decide if he wants our baby or not. Thats not fair to the baby. I don't want my child to grow up knowing that one of its parents doesn't want it. Thats how I grew up and I won't let that happen to my baby. I just wont. I went down to ACCESS today, I have to go back on Wednesday. I am trying to set up my pre-natal care. I need to start vitamins and all kinds of stuff. I know that this baby is growing inside me and needs lots of nutrients. I try the best I can to eat good and healthy foods, but its hard sometimes. I just pray and hope that I will have a happy healthy baby. Oh well, I should get going.
<3 Ashlee
p.s. If anyone wants to hang out let me know. I am one bored prego woman sitting at home making candles :) |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 20th, 2007|11:37 am] |
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Well hello hello everyone. It's update time again. Sorry they are so infrequent but I have to go to the library or use someone else's computer to update seeing as how my poor ass doesn't have a computer. I have been w/ my boyfriend a year now. I love him lots and lots. We just found out a week ago that I'm pregnant. I am so excited! The baby is totally an accident but thats okay. I know I will be a good mom. My boyfriend is a great guy too. He already has 2 kids from a previous marriage. He is fantastic dad to them so I have no doubts. I am 5 weeks along. All that I hope for is a healthy happy baby. I am due Feb 18 2008. I hope its born on Valentines day - that way it will be my love child. HAHA! I have been sober since December, well at least trying since then. I just got 60 days in a row! Sweet! I am so proud of myself. I know that I will stay clean and sober for my baby for sure. I go to meetings and am working on my 12 steps, I see a counselor and take meds to help me with everything. I am doing soo good in my recovery. I am making leaps and bounds every day and every week. Things are so much easier know that all I have to do is take it one day at a time. My boyfriend and are moving into another apartment the first of August. We wanted a house, but we cant afford one right now. Thats okay as long as we get a 2 bedroom this time it'll be okay. The baby will need its own room, and for the time being when the kids come over they can stay in the spare room. Right now we have 4 people trying to live in a one bedroom. the kids come over every other weekend and every Thursdays, so its definatly crowded. Also the apartments we are in now are freaking horrible. Shit keeps breaking and when we call to get it fixed they never come. yesterday our fridge was starting to break down and stop working AGAIN, so they bring us a "new" one that has black mold all over the inside of the freezer. The whole thing has like a 1/4 - 1/2" of mold caked on the inside, and they were expecting me to clean it. UM NO! I'm pregnant, that could harm the baby and me, so they finally got the housekeeper to come and do it, only because I complained. Also we have had standing water in our dishwasher for a month. Our disposal broke a month ago and when the jackass came to fix it, he did a halfass job and forgot to take a plug out for the dishwasher hookup. So today our disposal didnt work again. I flagged the maintanence guy down and he fixed it. Our old fridge died like a month and a half ago, and we lost ALL of our food. Like $300 dollars worth. They should have gotten us a new fridge then, but nope, they blamed it on us and said that it was our fault. Well guess what? the fucking thing broke again. They should have just replaced it in the first place. Also the manager likes to come over and tell me that I am a bad housekeeper. gotta go bye! |
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| sorry i rambled but i had a lot to say i guess |
[Apr. 25th, 2007|02:11 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  drunk | ] |
can you believe that another year has passed? can you believe that i am barely any further in life than i was last year? can you believe that i am still not in school? can you believe that i let myself be here at 19 almost 20 years old still lost. I graduated high school at 16 i worked my ass off to just finish before everyone else just so i could have more time off i guess, but in the long run i just took a really long extended break. i am working living with my boyfriend of almost a year. i cant believe that either. that is so amazing. so i just got asked if i am playing oregon trail. um no. instead i am updating a journal i know no one reads. but i do. i look at my last few entries and look at how far my life has progressed or not progressed in this case but its interesting. most of the people who use this site use it to share with other people but not me, i really just post for my own records. my life has been very interesting since i started this journal.
well..... i took a break from typing sorta (actually my buddy closed the site down on me on accident) but thats okay it popped back up what i had written before so thats good. i'm a tad drunk. what can i say? I'm a waitress at black angus now. i really like it. i am starting to meet new friends. i like it. i wonder how my friends are doing that i used to go to jr high and highschool with? i think about a lot of them sometimes and just wonder where they are now. i am curious to see how far i am behind in my life. i bet all of my old friends are doing so good and i am not. oh well. dont mind this drunk talk of mine. i am a thinker what can i say. i think that i am going to go. hopefully i hear from some of my old friends....i really do miss them sometimes... im sure they have forgotten me by now. but oh well....i have a new life and a boyfriend and a truck thats super cute and red and a job a good job and things are finally starting to get right and get on the right path for me and i think i can make it in life. hopefully im right. i really hope that i am. well everyone good night kisses and hugs for you all miss some of you very very much hope that life has been good for most of you and that you can find some sort of peace in your lives... a p.s. i wanted to just share that i have been such a different person that no on really recognizes me when they see me. i saw an old boyfriend last year from jr high at a subway (he was working there i was getting subs) and i asked him if he knew an ashlee back in jr high and he said no and kinda thought about it and then i told him that i was her and he was like no way. you look completely different. he didnt recognize me at all. i am such a different person than i used to be and it reflects on the outside. i used to have such a hard time making friends and figuring out ways to keep them that i never had a chance to show them who i really was. but now i am honest (more honest than i ever have been in my whole life) and i am accepting and a nice person. i know what it is to be a liar and have to maintain all these lies to keep the story going. its a taxing lifestyle and i wont ever do it again. im lucky i left all that behind. i made myself out to be a better person now and i like that. i have never felt the freedom of being honest like now. i love it. i am free from all that mess. and you know what it was to make me be like that? a lot of hard knocks and people lieing to me. and just realizing that i need to be honest with everyone including myself to be happy. someday i hope that i will find my own true happiness and that it was everything i ever hoped it would be. i pray that god will help me be a better person and that he will help me find my path in life. i know he wont give me anything in life i cant handle. oh well i should go. good night love you all
<3 Ashlee xoxo |
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| duder |
[Jul. 16th, 2006|12:13 am] |
well shit has been alright lately. its time for an update kids - lets start with my family, my mom still has more checmo to go through. she will be done in august for sure w/ the chemo. then she gets the rumor removed, then she gets radiation to get rid of the "slop" (the doctor's words not mine), then she get a boob job :) the only cool part about the whole deal is that my mom gets a boob job. now her boobs will look perky like mine :) haha j/k she also got married. she married jose - she is happy, he is happy, things are good. it was a really awesome wedding. i had a lot of fun, both of my brothers came (well my mom's sons, i have one other brother too, but he's my dad's son) i also gave the toast for them. it was really sweet afterwards jose came up to me and said "what you said was so true" i was like thanx! let's see, let's see what else - my job has been going good. i work at an answering service its cool. i am a glorified receptionist, but i'm learning good skills and i also got promoted 3 weeks after being there! i was so excied - i got promoted fom a message taker to a dispatcher - its neat. i am the person who pages doctors on their alphanumeric pager. we have over 900 accounts - we do all kinds of stuff from heating and cooling, to lawn care servies to doctors offices emergency service lines. we take the messages and answer for them when they are closed and dispatch the information to who it needs to go to. it's really cool. things are going alright in my life in general. i am taking domestic violence classes - i was court orered to them because of what happened w/ bill. that fuck. but i am learning something. well okay i have to go my friend just came back from the store w/ some booze! wahoo getting wasted! lol its house and his oomputer i was just updating to pass the time - hopefully i will update more later! peace ya'll!
<3 Ashlee |
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| holy jesus |
[Apr. 13th, 2006|02:17 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  devious | ] |
well lets see i moved to CA all by myself for the last 2 1/2 months. SCARY!!! I was a Hooters Girl out in Anaheim. it was alright im back in AZ now. my mother does have breast cancer. she is going through chemo right now. She has stage 4 breast cancer. but hopefully she can beat it. tomarrow should hopefully be her last chemo. her hair is all gone and she is skinnier but her spirits are high. Jose has been good for her throughout all of this. My Grandma is of course still worried about me. I broke up with that guy i was dating. He hit me. it wasnt a good time. My dad sold the house on princess. heis doing well. he is waiting to get into his condo in Chandler. For right now he is staying in a extened stay hotel. right now i am crashing with my mom and whoever has an open couch. haha. as usual i am a vagabond. i am lookng for a job here in Mesa. Then i will get my own apartment. and a roommate hopefully. i cant live alone, just the thought of it scares me. i'm kinda lost in life right now. trying to find my way. hopefully soon i will find my path and stick to it. I'm clean and sober now. well except for the mary jane but other than that im good. and damn proud. it took me a minute to get my head on clear but im doing it. my family is supporting me in my decisons. Cali was different. I hope to move back someday. it didnt work out this time but hopefully next time it will. i've got all the time in the world. :)
<3 Ashlee |
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| new year yay~ |
[Jan. 16th, 2006|12:29 pm] |
hey everyone its been a long time. i dont have a computer thats why. i live in my own apartment in mesa. i've been busy getting ready to go to beauty school and looking into financial aid. i turned 18 finally. i got kicked outta my dads house a year ago this month. i've been on my own since. its been hard and its been rough but i'm doin alright. this last year has been really hard for me. probably the hardest year i've had, but i made it through and im trying to change for the better. right now im currently looking for work. i quit my last job around the end of December. I was working as a receptionist for AZ Hair Company out in Scottsdale. I wanna get another job as a receptionist. i really liked it. it was good experience for me since i wanna do hair. I live with my boyfriend Bill. He is a great guy. I've been with him for 7 months. its been good for me. hes been good for me. he is probably the best guy i've dated. my whole family loves him, he treats me well, has a good job, and has taught me how to respect myself and my body. I'm just happy. my grandma is doing well. she had open heart surgery last year in may she has recovered very well. my mother is doing okay. she may have breast cancer.....she found a lump in her breast...Lord help her. she is still dating jose, shes happy with him. my dad is still living alone...but hes doing better he has become less bitter. hes still hurt though and angry...oh well. as for me im okay. i've been trying and failing and growing up all at the same time... i probably wont be able to write back for a while...so to all of you that i havent talked to or seen in a long time..i miss you and i hope the best...call me sometime. i would love to hear from you guys.
<3 Ashlee |
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| bitches love me cuz they know i can rock |
[Dec. 29th, 2004|03:37 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  sick | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Ramones - I wanna be sedated | ] |
hello boys and girls. been a long time since my last entry. I had a birthday. yay im old now or something. christmas sucked as always but thats how things go for me. you know. i tried quitting my job....didnt happen sons a bitches....they are like we still need you we wont accept your two weeks and im too nice to say no fuck you. so of course i stayed. i made chocolate mouse today. yum. i've been partying too much for sure. i need to lay off the stuffs. lets see here what else.....i am a ninja. just kidding okay bye kids
<3 Ashlee |
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| "i will sell this house today" |
[Nov. 4th, 2004|02:36 am] |
okay so today hasb een LAME. i havent hada day off from work in weeks. wtf dude. work has been running my ass like no other. its starting to piss me off. oh and on friday im supposed to close 1 am mind you then trot my happy ass back there at 8 am for a fucking meeting. does no one consider the fact that i close every god damn night.....AHHHH lameo lameo lameo the end
<3 Ashlee |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 21st, 2004|02:23 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | amused | ] |
to the people who read my live journal-
you kids are all awesome. and the ones who hate me and only read this to find reasons to slander me, well you are pathetic. you know who you are. some of you i havent seen or talked to in over a year, so my question is why? why do you bother to read this if you hate me so much? ya look pathetic. get over highschool and get over yourself. if you dont like me then fine, stay out of my life like i stay out of yours. simple isnt it?
<3 Ashlee |
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| hello hello! |
[Sep. 9th, 2004|11:54 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  awake | ] |
| [ | music |
| | alanis morrisette - you outta know | ] |
the last couple of nights i drove around in my truck listening to cheezy shit.....and it made me happy.
tuesday i drove around with marc listening to pat benatar and car dancing the whole time :) last night i drove around with shyanne and one without the beenie (micheal) while listening to nsync. poor micheal. lol he had to listen to screaming teenage girls and nsync all at the same time. lol
im hungry. im thinking subway..yay
<3 Ashlee
Ps. this was pointless lol |
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| i only update like twice a month |
[Sep. 1st, 2004|07:45 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | awake | ] |
| [ | music |
| | old school tupac werd homie | ] |
lol i just realized that. for the last couple of months i updated like twice a month. hahaha. im awesome. well anyway im back to work now. my knee hurts like a son of a bitch. but everyone has been really nice about it. im supposed to get my truck fixed here soon so betsy wont look so beat up. im sleeping at night now and waking up hella early. but hey at least its a sorta normal sleeping schedule. werd. nothings new. lol
bye kids
<3 Ashlee |
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| workmans comp bitches |
[Aug. 24th, 2004|10:06 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | numb | ] |
| [ | music |
| | olympics | ] |
so okay. saturday night i was at work. working my butt of as usual, and my other host got cut at 12, her job before she goes is to bus tables and get the hell outta there. well she was bussing tables and i was being nice and walked by the table and picked up the dishes off the table and was taking them to the back. little did i know that one of the servers had spilled a chocolate martini on the floor and hadn't bothered to clean it up. well i step in it, fall and land all my weight on my right knee. i get up bow and say thank you because by this time the whole restaurant is clapping. i hobble off into the back and my eyes well up. my knee still hurts. somethins wrong. so after a while i go to the office and my manager sends me to the hospital. all in all i pulled two ligiments and tore one in my right knee. im stuck and home bored. i cnat drive. someone come get me. im all doped up on pain pills. but im off for the next couple weeks on workmans comp.
so lame
<3 Ashlee |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 17th, 2004|03:18 am] |
i totaled my truck. so fucking lame
i found out tomarrow how much my insurance thinks it'll be. fucking lame.
<3 Ashlee |
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| much better mood |
[Jul. 8th, 2004|03:46 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | content | ] |
| [ | music |
| | edwin mccain - i'll be | ] |
mkay so. i'm in a much better mood. i got some shit settled between me and some other people and just stuff that was going on in my head is all calmed down now. yeah so. today was fun. i had the day off. i layed around all freaking day and i loved it.
mikey from heber called me today :) thats right its been six months. lol it was about due. i love that kid. like really i do. he is the only person allowed to call me ash :)
yeah so i rock and stuffs
im out
<3 Ashlee |
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| my realizations |
[Jul. 4th, 2004|03:02 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  depressed | ] |
Im fat. Im ugly. Im stupid. I’m a lair. Im a fuck up. I lie, I cheat, I deceive. I do whatever I want to make me happy. I’m a terrible person. I’ve never been so ugly. My life just isn’t worth it anymore. Fuck it. I’m nothing. From now on im going to be something I’m not. Im going to be fake and have it be the person everyone wants me to be. Because after all, im fat. Im ugly. Im stupid. I’m a liar. I’m a fuck up. I lie, I cheat, I deceive. Im a terrible fucking human being.
</3 Ashlee |
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| thank you lucky :) |
[Jun. 29th, 2004|01:52 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | happy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | five iron frezy - one girl army | ] |
AbErCrOmBiEgUy: i guess i'll say what i have to say while your away
AbErCrOmBiEgUy: i think your one of the coolest people
AbErCrOmBiEgUy: your great
AbErCrOmBiEgUy: you have a wonderful personality
AbErCrOmBiEgUy: your beautiful
AbErCrOmBiEgUy: i love your eyes
AbErCrOmBiEgUy: i love that fact that you dont' care what other people think
AbErCrOmBiEgUy: i love your hair
AbErCrOmBiEgUy: you have amazing eyes
AbErCrOmBiEgUy: your hands are a bit big though....j/k
AbErCrOmBiEgUy: your fun to talk too
AbErCrOmBiEgUy: i miss the way we used to talk
AbErCrOmBiEgUy: i miss having that friend that i could call when i need to talk
AbErCrOmBiEgUy: your going through things i could never imagine going through
AbErCrOmBiEgUy: your not alone
AbErCrOmBiEgUy: if you need someone
AbErCrOmBiEgUy: i'm here for you
AbErCrOmBiEgUy: i think about you a lot
AbErCrOmBiEgUy: i love the way you put your own spin on things
AbErCrOmBiEgUy: so theres more, but i wont go on
AbErCrOmBiEgUy: g'nite and sweetdreams
Princess Gravity: im printing this out and its going on my wall
AbErCrOmBiEgUy: don't print this out, i thought you were gone
Princess Gravity: i was
Princess Gravity: until i saw the massive writage
AbErCrOmBiEgUy: well i thought i'd leave you a msg
AbErCrOmBiEgUy: i'm always thinking of you
AbErCrOmBiEgUy: your always in my thoughts
AbErCrOmBiEgUy: your the only one that i've shared sunrises with
AbErCrOmBiEgUy: your the reason i got a new phone
AbErCrOmBiEgUy: your the reason i want to move to arizona
AbErCrOmBiEgUy: your the reason why i want to come down there
AbErCrOmBiEgUy: you mean soo much to me
AbErCrOmBiEgUy: and there no way for me to show it to you
AbErCrOmBiEgUy: if anything, you are in my heart
AbErCrOmBiEgUy: you have left an impression on my life
Princess Gravity: well thank you...you have left one on my life as well
AbErCrOmBiEgUy: your the reason why i like alternative music
AbErCrOmBiEgUy: i would never have known about mxpx
AbErCrOmBiEgUy: five iron frenzy
AbErCrOmBiEgUy: your song
AbErCrOmBiEgUy: one girl army
AbErCrOmBiEgUy: i actually like pink now
AbErCrOmBiEgUy: to me your like a breath of fresh air
AbErCrOmBiEgUy: ive never thought of marriage, spending my whole life with one person, not even my ex of two years did i think about marrriage or anything like that till you came into my life
AbErCrOmBiEgUy: and its not so much we're going to get married, but that the idea is possible
AbErCrOmBiEgUy: you may not have love the way you want it, but know you have love from your friends
AbErCrOmBiEgUy: i have no idea why i'm going on like this
AbErCrOmBiEgUy: but those were some of the things i've been thinking about
Princess Gravity: well thank you
AbErCrOmBiEgUy: your welcome |
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| "the worst is over now and we can breathe again" |
[Jun. 22nd, 2004|11:01 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | bored | ] |
| [ | music |
| | seether - broken | ] |
well lets see. i just ate some waffel crisp. yum good stuffs.
where is everbody. no one is posting on lj anymore. it makes me sad. cuz i actually read all of your entries no matter how long they are.
i am wearing my mommys wedding ring. she isnt going to wear it and its too pretty to let it sit in a box. so i decided i'd take it out for a spin. lol im lame
im bored. i hate being up before noon because i have nothing to do. so lame. i've been keeping pretty busy as of late. or at least trying to.
HAHAHA im getting hit on by a lesbian from FTJ! hahahaha oh my god! i love this!
<3 Ashlee |
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